Long John Silvers is a great restaurant . . .

about 20 years ago. Now, don't get me wrong, I love LGS, but let's face it, the restaurant is a dilapidated relic from the 80s. My good buddy, Luke Green, and I graced the Capn's dining facility last night and I think it is corporate policy that Long John Silvers cannon change its interior design, booths, wallpaper, etc. . . . ever. I had to laugh while we were there because the music also was about 5 - 10 years old. I believe we heard a mix of P Diddy and Hilary Duff. But, let's give the Capn his due. They still employ a long list of mentally challenged people to work behind the counter AND Long John Silvers still gives out complimentary Pirate hats to any patron who wants one. And that my friend, is worth its weight in booty. Luke and I, of course, wore them all night.

My disproportionate body

I've been told that the majority of men's clothes have been designed to fit my body type: relatively slim, 6 feet tall, etc. But I'm pretty sure this isn't true. You see, I have a soft spot for long-sleeve t-shirts, but I don't get to wear them very often because after the first time I wash the shirt the sleeves become to short for me. This leads me to believe that my arms are disproportionate to my body. I apparently have monkey arms that are about 2-3 inches longer than they should be for someone of my height and build. Now that's just frustrating. It's also one reason that I like Hollister clothes; they generally make their shirts with extra long sleeves that puts the lengths just about right for Chimpanzee Wilson.

I also have a similar problem for my pants. I am abnormally longer in the legs than I am around the waist. So I either have to get pants that are the right leg length and I always have to wear a belt or I get pants that fit my waist properly and I am always flooding it. Life is tough for Jesse Wilson, rest assured of that.

Surrounded by unfunny people

This weekend I chose to experience what may be seen as a Halloween tradition. I went to a viewing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show in a small Webb City theater. The main thing I learned from this experience is that I now understand why this movie has become a cult classic.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show, despite whatever its original purpose was, is now just a sad excuse for strange and very unfunny people to dress up and recite tired and repetitive jokes every 15 seconds throughout a mediocre feature-length film. To better understand, just imagine back to your high school days when there was that one kid who insisted on trying to be the class clown and make jokes 20 times a class period with a success rate of 10%. It's like that, where you get so tired of the barrage of unfunny jokes that you just want to punch the kid in the face and listen to the teacher (in this case, movie).

Let me also give you a piece of advice, don't let it be known that you are a virgin (to the movie) when viewing RHPS if at all possible. While the form of humiliation that results may be different depending on the event, in general it's best to find strength in numbers. As I had to publicly make, shall we say, love sounds, I found it was easier to do while hiding behind my youth pastor friend and the buddy wearing the Ozark Christian College shirt.

For further info on this movie and the event surrounding it, please contact Ms. Lueda Phillips, as she saw the film upon it's initial release. Or at least parts of it. For full details on that date and the beaming review she gave the film, email lueda.phillips@ciy.com.

Papa Murphy's is NOT a legitimate pizza place

Papa Murphy's pizza is not a legitimate pizza place. Fact. It all boils down to this. There are really four basic ingredients that are mandatory at any establishment that desires to call itself a pizza place: a building, workers, pizza, and a pizza oven. Every pizza place I can think of has all these things, all but one. . . Papa Murphy's Take N Bake Pizza.

My inherent problem with Papa Murphy's is that it doesn't have a pizza oven, one of those mandatory ingredients. I know a lot of you might think that pizza ovens aren't that important, but let's think about all the pizzas that taste the best. There's a reason that pizza from Papa John's, Pizza Hut, Pizza King, La Rosa's, Ray's Famous Pizza all taste better than Red Baron pizza from the supermarket. They all have pizza ovens that help them PROPERLY cook the pizza. And that's one of the reasons I pay more than $4.00 for those pizzas.

Here's the other thing that doesn't make sense about Papa Murphy's. Why would I even want to bake my own pizza at home if I just went out to pick it up from the pizza place? I have instantly doubled my waiting time for the pizza. Not only do I have to drive out to get it (Papa Murphy's doesn't deliver), but I have to wait 20 or so minutes at home while it is baking in the oven. Nonsense.

I'm not sure that I actually even consider this a restaurant. I'm the one doing most of the work here. I'm to one doing the baking. Isn't the point of eating out to avoid the hassle of cooking things yourself? I've been asked would I consider it a steak house if it was the type of place where I cooked my own meat. Well that all depends. Do I get to cook the steak at the steak house or do they make me take it home and cook it there. If they make me take it home and cook it I won't call them a steak house, I'll call them a Butcher.

And yet, as my friend Jon Hill has pointed out, America continues to support this "pizza place" as it continues to expand. Not that I ever really invest too much stock in the opinions of the American public.

You can't beat McDonald's Coke

For reasons that I won't go into here, my roommate has decided to replicate the plot of SuperSize Me. Basically, he has eaten at McDonald's every day for the past week and I believe will continue to do so until the end of Monopoly game.

The frequent smell of MickeyD's has been beneficial only to me in this way. I am presented with the opportunity to have a McDonald's Coke much more often, which if you don't know, is the best version of Coke anywhere.

It should be public knowledge at this point that soda has a variety of flavors depending on the source (i.e. bottle, can, fountain, store, etc.). And if you don't know, allow me to breakdown a few of them for you.

Mountain Dew - While generally seen as the best soda available by the young male market, I'm pretty sure it is undisputed that Mt. Dew out of a can is the best way to drink it. Your bottle and 2-liter fall in after that, and bringing up there rear is fountain Mt. Dew. While palatable, it just usually tastes way too watered down.

Code Red - Ironically, Code Red works almost in reverse. Whereas Code Red is at it's most delicious from the Fountain (particularly Handy Andy in Upland, IN), it's bottle-life is not so good. 2-liter and can are in the middle.

Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb - have a similar relationship to Mt. Dew and its brother, except they are rivals and I will choose my drink based on the dispension type. Dr. Pepper, great out of a can, terrible out of the fountain. Mr. Pibb shines forth from the fountain and is abysmal from the can. There is no in-between. Who drinks 2-liters these days anyway unless you are at some party?

Coca-Cola - Coke. . . hmmm. The patriarch of all sodas. I will go on record and say that Coke is at it's worst out of a 20 oz bottle and pretty dang near its best out of a glass bottle. Can and 2liter are about the same and both fall short of a glass bottle. Coke is seemingly famous for being from a fountain and it is good, but nothing compares to McDonald's fountain. There is absolutely a difference in the formula for what MD uses and what the rest of the sucker restaurants the world over are allowed to use. Fortunately, there is a McDonald's every 30 feet and many midwest MDs sell 44 oz drinks for $1. It's good to be in fat America.

An incident on the way to work

Ok, little fun fact about Jesse. I probably leave my car windows down overnight at least once a week. Last night was that night. It becomes more of a problem when it gets cold outside because both the inside and the outside of the windshield frost up.

Anywho, so I saw one of my colleagues, Brittany, leaving her apartment this morning as I was defrosting my car (we live in the same complex). She gets in her car to go to work as I'm busy trying to make sure that I can see out of my car due to the aforementioned problems cause by my windows being down. As I'm pulling out to the street I see her WHITE car in front of me and notice that she has a Mississippi license plate that says "MISS DI".

In my head, I'm thinking, "hmmm, I didn't know Brittany was from Mississippi. A southern girl, I would never have guessed. I wonder if she really liked Princess Diana?"

We both drive through downtown Webb City, me being behind Miss Di the entire time. As usual, we both get stopped at a red light that I always get stuck on (Oronogo Rd for those in the WC area). I'm directly behind Brittany and I think I should just run up to her window real quick to say hello. So of course I do. I run out to do the ole jump-out-and-scare-you bit and bang on her window, shouting "hey Brittany! Good morning." trying to be funny. Haha. Well, turns out the joke was on me. The reason I didn't know that Brittany was from Mississippi was because that wasn't her car! Somehow during the time I was wiping off my windshield, she took off and another white car left around the same time as me, whom I mistook as Brittany for about 5 minutes.

So that leaves me standing there in the middle of the street banging on the window of a car that belongs to a mid-30s dental assistant (I assume dental assistant due to the kitty cat scrubs she was wearing), who looks terrified by the way. So I awkwardly apologize, "I'm so sorry. I thought you were my friend. Have a good day." And I have to do the walk of shame back to my car as the light turns green and I'm still standing in the road.

Captain Planet Rings, In case you missed it

My brother and I had a 25 minute conversation which of Captain Planet's rings of elemental power would be the best to have in the modern, realistic world.

Needless to say, the Ring of Heart would be the most worthless. Most of our debate was about how practical the Ring of Earth would be. I defended its position saying that it was probably in the top two most useful rings.

Examples of uses: Creating stairs to climb for getting around obstacles
Fighting crime
Trapping people/animals/things in earthen cages
Creating slopes to go down at fast speeds
Practical and awesome

Greg defended the Ring of Fire as the best citing these uses:
Lighting a campfire
Turning on the stove
Seeing in the dark
Warming up

Albeit useful, I just don't think this is the best use of a Ring of Power. I mean these things are relatively easy to do already. My choice: Ring of Wind
Fighting crime (Greg thinks no one would do this in the real world; I disagree; it would by my first priority)
Blowing pretty girls into me "accidentally"
Blowing out unpleasant smells
Using the wind to help me win sailboat races
Cool down on a hot day
The list goes on and on. I choose The Ring of Wind or the Ring of Earth

I have only begun to blog

Ah, blogging. An art that I probably should have become familiar with a long time ago. I have been told more than once that I should have my own blog. While I have always agreed with this statement, putting it into practice has always been a little more difficult because it would actually require some effort on my part. This is hard to do when I have so many activities vying for my time: reading, video games, TV on DVD, actual TV, friends, mentoring the youth of America, eating pizza, etc.

But, friends, the time has come when I will impart my vast and limitless knowledge upon the world. . . for free (at least until I can get some sponsors to start paying for my site). The truth is, I have a lot of opinions about the world and I am all too happy to share them with anyone willing to listen. . . and probably a few people who aren’t willing to listen as well.

Now I make no promises about what this blog might be about. I don't promise that it will be insightful, relevant, or even funny. All I promise is that it will be something I think. It could cover anything from favorite sodas to economics to classic sitcoms to politics. Heck, I might even delve into celebrity gossip. I can't promise you any wisdom in these words, unless of course you still think that Ray Boltz is straight, then I need to set you straight (you know that’s a good pun) and tell you that he’s gay (mark that under the celebrity gossip column). Sorry, dad. Watch the lamb.

EDITOR'S NOTE: The news about Mr. Boltz isn't my opinion. Ray Boltz came out of the closet publicly about a month ago.